I’m pretty new to this town or city or whatever you want to call it, but I thought this Saturday evening I would go out, order a beer and an appetizer and chat up some strangers. There’s this place, Park Lane Tavern, around here that has a nice outdoor section and a huge indoor bar, so I went there to work a little friendship magic. It worked a couple of weeks ago, I chatted with a biker for like 4 hours and it was pretty fun and he didn’t care that I was happily married, he was also just trying to hang out with people.
So. I go again. I decide to wear some nice dress shorts and a chunky heel and leave my yoga pants at home where they belong. I make a big mistake, I ask for a table outside. Guys, don’t do this unless you bring a book. I end up getting sat at a high top with chairs composed of metal in a huge grid of open spaces. Basically, as soon as I sat down my bare thighs were waffled into the nooks of this stupid chair, my cellulite at every one else’s damn eye-level. Great. I decide I can overcome. I order a beer and a bavarian pretzel appetizer and look mostly out at the sky and sometimes at my phone, pretending that there’s something new on fb when there isn’t. If I ate or drank faster, it would have been fine, but it turned out to be about 40 minutes of this and I looked like a lonely weirdo. So, it was awkward enough having broadcast my cellulite and lack of friends for all to see, but then I go to pay my bill. It takes forever, I’m sitting there staring out at the horizon like it’s a cirque du soleil show until finally the waitress comes back and tells me my card was declined. And she ran it twice. Okay. I am now the most pathetic patron in this stupid restaurant/bar hybrid full of couples and groups of friends. The waitress looks at me when she says this like she’s afraid it’s the only card I have, but thank freaking god, I am in fact married and not the loneliest person on the planet and I do have my husband’s card which only gets turned off when I forget to tell them I’m travelling.
I decided to call it quits with the faux-socializing at that point, forgoing my plan to have another drink at the bar area. There are only so many pity glances I can take in one night, so I go home and call my credit card company. Apparently, despite my having already given them my updated address, they mailed something to my old address and it got returned. So they immediately put a hold on my account. Great, thanks credit card company, that’s never embarassing. Anyway, while I was on the phone with them I made sure to update them about my upcoming travel plans so that this won’t happen next week. The nice lady told me that it definitely would be fine unless I shopped at places that I don’t usually shop at online or a bunch of other scenarios. So, cool, this will be a repeating phenomenon. I told her,” I know this isn’t your thing, but if you have any sort of suggestion box, could you put a little feedback in for me?” and she said sure, so I then asked her if maybe they could consider doing that thing where they call you to confirm purchases before just shutting of your goddamn card. This has happened to me 4 or 5 times this year, starting when I did my christmas shopping online, I’m wondering when they will figure out that I just enjoy online shopping and variety in my life. Probably never.