Brotherly Love

Samuel called Benjamin “Bubba” tonight and I almost died because 1) it was so cute and brotherly love and he is using his words and all of that and 2) I may have a child whose nickname is “Bubba”

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Baby Snuggle Brainwashing

Im pretty sure that the all day long snuggles and play that Sam’s clinginess demanded today straight up bathed my brain in oxytocin because by the time I laid him down a few minutes ago I was blissful with renewed wonder and love for my sweet baby boy. The same baby boy who didn’t let me pee or eat or use the remote with my hands (yay for feet!) for hours on end is the recipient of a ridiculous amount of mommy love. Babies are little tricksters. Sam was smirking the whole time I ate my dinner while sitting at the foot of his swing because he knew he was the boss. And I found it amusing.

Brief Update

well, Sam is almost 4 weeks old and he seems to struggle more daily, inconsolable and gassy and spit-uppy and I cut out so much from my diet over the last five days, including coffe, but to no avail so we started him on a formula for babies with milk and soy allergies tonight. Even enfamil gentle ease upset his sensitive little tummy, so hopefully this helps. I’ll keep pumping in the meantime in case it’s not the answer so I don’t lose my supply, but it’s been 20 hours since he last slept other than brief stints in our arms between bouts of upset so as of now, I just hope this works. I guess it’s typical for things to get worse and worse with food intolerances so it would make sense.

I’m 2 lbs from my pre-baby weight, but still have this awkward c-section apron belly thing, though it’s quite small now. So 33 lbs down, 2 to go, 141 lbs at 3w4d post-partum. I can’t wait until I can run again though who knows when I’ll have the time.

We got newborn pictures done yesterday, they are absolutely adorable and I’ll share a couple when we get them in a few weeks.

My Birth Story (37 Weeks)

I wrote this one-handed before leaving the hospital for my birth board but ended up using a short blurb version. Anyway here it is, typo-ridden, not proofread etc but I just wanted to at least get the big details down (though really I wanted to never ever think about it again so it’s brusque).

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Samuel Christopher

DOB: 7/26/15

Original Due Date: 8/14/15

Weeks Pregnant: 37w2d

Baby’s weight: 7lb 9oz

Length: 20″

Birth story: Water broke in a huge gush when I tried to crawl back into bed at 2:27am Saturday morning. I’d called my on call OB in L&D Friday night around 7pm because I’d been having painful BH since 4pm and no matter what I did they didn’t let up, though they were difficult to time because they were light but lasted for way longer than normal contractions and came almost on top of each other which I knew couldn’t be right. Anyway, Dr. Called me back at 8pm and I felt they’d sort of slowed down though I was still thinking they must be something, my OB said I was being greedy (joking) and still had three weeks to go and would probably feel these practice BH for a while yet. I asked him how I would recognize when to come in bc I really felt like this was something and yet it wasn’t…. Well basically he explained everything we’ve all been telling each other here about when to call go in, but something just didn’t feel right. I felt silly for calling because I try not to be *that* FTM and assured my husband, SIL and BFF that I’d overstated things and it was nothing, no worries, etc and that I was going to just ignore them and if it got to the point where I couldn’t talk through them then maybe I’d pay attention again.

So yeah, felt them all night but not too painful or anything until I fell asleep around 1. I got up just before 230 to go pee and remember thinking, “man that’s a pregnancy record” as I’d not peed in such volume for a long time thanks to going so frequently. Then I went back to my bedroom and swung one leg up, ready to literally climb in as always when there was just a huge gush of fluid all at once. I was shocked and went back to the bathroom where I undressed and contemplated the possibility that I’d somehow peed myself in great volume despite having just voided my bladder. Decided that was not the case, called my husband who was working in Oklahoma and told him so he could begin arranging a flight home to Maine. Then called my best friend who lives in town (not the one I’d talked to about it earlier) so she could come bring me to the hospital. As it turns out my calls and texts didn’t wake her, so I called my in laws and my father, both an hour away. I finally called the on-call doctor and he told me to come in, offered an ambulance over either driving myself or waiting for my in-laws but I felt able to drive myself aside from the fact that fluid was still coming in big gushes and I kept changing only to find myself soaked moments later.

I eventually grabbed towels, a trash bag and my hospital bag and headed for the garage. Cat escaped into garage because Murphy’s law. Got cat back in house, put down double layered towel, then trash bag then another towel on the leather and suede seats of my brand new SUV and left for the hospital, disturbed by the drip trail I knew I’d left throughout the house.

Got to hospital. Parked. Walked to door dripping and carrying big hospital bag. Door locked. Choice words. Dripped and huffed and puffed my way to the main entrance and security. Accepted wheelchair escort up to L&D where I’d luckily just pre-registered. The rest was so long and horrible that it’s going to be the shortest part of the story.

OB agreed not to give me pitocin until Curtis’ flight came in (all 3 flights went off without a hitch thank goodness), but we started misoprostol at around 11am to ripped cervix. Almost immediately cramps became contractions and i dilated to a 2.5, 75% effaced by the time C arrived, still -3 station. Started on pit and got epidural around 3. Epidural worked for all of half hour and then did nothing to even take the edge off ctx it seems. By 430 pm was 4cm 90% effaced, -3 station. 1030pm, after hours of excruciating pain I got a bolus to try to reduce my pain level. Ctx would not regulate, were nonstop but only the peaks counted and they could be 1-4 mins apart and 60-90 seconds. Bolus worked on one side for maybe half an hour. With the break from the full in pain that kept stalling things I made it to 7cm by 10:40 pm.

After that, the pain was so bad that I went from getting v quiet during contractions to grunting level noises, to full on moaning/lowing like a cow, curtis and Cindy reminding me to breathe through them, cold clothes on my face, ice chips when I’d get a moment between ctx bc the breathing through my mouth dried me out quickly. I broke down hysterically sobbing just before the bolus bc unlike what I expected from contractions (esp w an epi!) , I often went half an hour or more without a single second where I wasn’t in pain. Thanks to my pitocin being cranked to a 14 my uterus never fully relaxed between contractions. So, I don’t know…. It’s a blur from here. Basically, kept stalling.

At my next check i was 9cm, 90%, 0 or +1 station. Thought things were moving. Kind of a blur of just unrelenting pain. Broke down again around 1230 am bc my pain was at a 10 even on my ever-readjusting pain scale and I couldn’t get a moment between contractions to relax and get my bearings. It had been an hour without a break (uterine pressure never dipping below the 20s). Sobbing in front of everyone- in laws, dad, gramma, Becca- to curtis, begging for a break begging him to make it stop for a second, saying I can’t. The pain in my pubic bone was so sharp aching and immense, this was apparently bc Sam’s head was stuck there the whole time. Nurse checked and I was 9.5 cm, nurse had me do trial pushes and he wasn’t able to come down enough that she thought we were ready so she let me labor down for even longer which is supposed to allow him to move lower on his own, but after 2 hrs when the dr came in he was at a 0 station but still not coming lower and my cervix was still there, no 10. It was 230am.

Dr. started to mention a c-section and I just started crying in relief saying, ok yes, I don’t care, just make this end. Wheeled into operating room, given bolus to allow epi to do its job for the surgery rather than a spinal or going under. Epi was “patchy” and could still feel in a “window” on the left side if my belly. They waited a couple mins, decided it should be good and could give me more if needed. I was still having contractions right up until the patchy epi (did cover those!) and was so ready to be done and couldn’t take anymore pain. I had to though, felt everything internal during my c section. No cutting feeling but more than just pressure and burning. It felt so long before they even go to my uterus and the baby and then they found that his head was truly stuck in my pelvis and it took a lot of doing and more cutting to get to him and get it out. 3am on the dot he was born. I was so sad that when he was born I finally heard him cry and Curtis was emotional and I couldn’t react I was in the middle of this horrendous surgery and could barely answer questions they kept asking me to try to make sure I was ok. Come around to kiss him and say a brief hello before fading back into my tunnel of pain and unconsciousness. My OBs were shocked at how much I felt and have been quite apologetic (I guess they’re not the ones who are legally liable for that haha).

Finally stitched up, then glued. Recovery room. My own room. Ginger ale. One hour of sleep before I woke up and started my life as a mommy, smuggling and trying to BF for the first time.